Capetonification

I signed up for another year in this Purgatory called Edgemead.
One more year away from my city.
One more year of traffic.
One more year of death by boredom.
The mountain looms, from the window of my apartment, and it's so craggy and crisp and wrinkled and clear, that I can almost touch it.
But she keeps me from it.
She likes it out here:
In this mom & pop wasteland of forgotten dreams and unfulfilled lives.
I spent my high school yeaes out here, learning to live, learning to love, learning to hate. I had some good times, but I never wanted to settle down RIGHT where I had grown up.
School was good years, but Edgemead High was a poes-plaas.

I always wanted to live in the city, and as soon as I could afford it, that's exactly where I went.
There was always an allure, a calling.
It was exciting, and promised much.
And my years spent in it's bosom did not disappoint. It gave me all that I expected, and I grew to love it's cramped confines, even though the people who inhabited it's corners were little more than spoilt brats who had been let loose with too much time to throw around.

Now I'm sitting in the darkness of my bedroom, in a suburb I loath, tried to escape once, only to be drawn back again, like some practical joke, illuminated by this 15" lcd, and I'm thinking:
Why do I do this to myself?

But even as I pose the question, I know the answer.
The reason's lying right next to me. I look down at her, eyes closed in sleep, beautiful face framed by her beautiful blonde hair.
I'd endure any kind of hell for her.
Even Edgemead.
It's a bitter choice to make, but she brings more than just a brief respite from reality.
She was always my first choice and she always will be.
For all my failure's she's my one success, the object of a life of little worth and even less triumph. But when I won her, I won big.

I forget these facts most days. So, on most days, I'm up for the Biggest Cock of the Year award, but she still loves the shit out of me.
And that's really fucking cool, cause I sure as hell don't think I'm that great.

Is she my redemption in this self-inflicted hell?
My salvation in this delicate damnation?
I suppose she must be, since there sure as hell isn't anything else worth living for in this place.