face flush with mattress.
you see a lot.
The folds in the duvet, mountains on a scale of ants.
A woman's hair clings to a pillow.
it is dark, shoulder length.
there have been a few of those lately.
brunettes.
some were long standing acquaintences.
others I knew for an evening only.
its hard to fit the face.
a few float in front of me.
I knew them all.
the way Jacob knew leia.
they gave me their souls and I took them for all they were worth.
some wanted more.
more than I could offer.
too soon after a life where I loved a woman I could not commit to.
all kinds of wrong.
I tell them.
they say they understand.
but they don't.
they know I'm broken,
but they persist.
without relent.
sometimes it's infuriating, makes me sick.
I continue to warn. but to no avail.
so we fuck.
I fuck to forget.
Or to remember.
Perhaps to replace.
but it doesn't work.
it's just another way of breathing.
staying alive.
