Capetonification

in standard 6,
I met Ryan Lee.
We were a bunch of retards,
did what we wanted
and life was free.
we played,
we fought,
we tried for the ladies
but ended up with nought.
time went by,
we learned some stuff
and finally closed that chapter in our life when Dr. Venter said:
"That's enough!"

now you must all know:
Ryan was a simple man,
needed little
and had no great plan.
at the grand old age of 18
college beckoned,
and went he did,
cause: "Learn I must!"
he reckoned.
I followed our hero,
chronicling his life,
so that I could be her tonight
to twist the knife.
in his second year
he met Jessica Mangen
and I'm gonna skip a line
cause it's hard to find something to rhyme with that one.

from that first day
Ryan began his courtship,
he was a tenacious bastard
and he just wouldn't quit.
Jess was in his sights
and he wanted her bad
it was evidenced by the raw skin,
his left palm had.
It was a fateful day
on the second floor,
in a building
opposite
the Purple Turtle:
Jessica gave in
and Ryan got his shot,
it was a tale he has told me
that I have not forgot.
history was in the making
if history is your thing,
but I dig boxing, so to round 2:
"Ding, Ding, Ding!"

love grew strong,
bonds became tight,
and they expressed their passion
every single night.
their lives were fused
and they were together.
would it last a day
a month
a year
possibly forever?
they were happy
and it didn't matter,
but the reason you're all here
is because it turned out to be the latter.

so the deed is done
and the vows have been traded,
everyone's still conscious
and it looks like we all made it.

now some advice
is in order
for a man newly wed
and it should come from me
cause I've already made that particular bed.

'A happy wife is a happy life'
or so it was told to me
I can't argue with that logic
even though I'm almost
on strike 3!

here's a top tip if you wanna be the man:
when she wants to do something you don't,
be like Barack Obama and say:
"Yes We Can!"

and when times are hard
Jess might scream and shout,
tell you: "Ryan you didn't do that!"
or
"Ryan you didn't do this!"
but I speak from experience when I say: "It can all be solved with a bit of cunnilingus!"

my sordid little poem comes to an end
but I have a few more words to say to my oldest friend:

Be happy.
enjoy the shit out of it.
love what you got,
and love who you got it with.

and to his lovely lady Jess:
we're still retarded man-children.
occasionally he will screw up,
forget important things,
or shit the rug.
but you are the one thing he will always know he got right,
the one he will always love,
for all his life.